She was worried. She was sad. She was awkwardly restless.
She was not participating in any wrong doing anywhere and we would guide her for everything. We told her to be very cautious.
To further add to her woes, she found people around her.
People who looked at her each time she went out abnormally whispering and talking in ways she could often not describe.
One day a fish seller, saw her smiled and whispered to his neighbour,
“People will make her ashes. We all can have a nice meal.” They laughed. There were so many of them.
Shrum began feeling the weight of this nonsense. She did not know the way.
At office she began to be quieter. Meanwhile we tried our best, to make our lives work.
She was trying her best to stay strong. She had women whom she lived for, her mother, sister, us. Meanwhile I burdened her with my pain.
Sucheta’s mother got down with ovarian Cx, even that depressed her.
She went, spoke to her, cried at home.
I felt sorry for making her do such a stupid stuff.
Now, I knew that New Kumar was not really a strong man who had adopted to play as the flute, his holes were deep.
Neither could she blame them, their phones revealed their worries and fears.
At the same time, we could not keep them close. It would harm us.
Sometimes it is very difficult to say, if what we think and how we act is always right or our judgements are correct. But, then if we do not act in times of great need how do we manage?
How do we live our lives?
How do we show what we want, how do we want to live?
What is more important for us?
They say wise are always unsure on how to act and stupid can always consider there one step to be the most righteous.
Similar thing was happening here to us.
We were not wise, definitely not. Wisdom is a tough word for a forty year old mostly.
But, somehow we hesitated to act. We were listening to many lives and each life was not our direct enemy and was only trying to remove Shrum out of their life, even Sun’s ray. He was bound by his limitations and his own challenges to prove others his worth. Yes, he might have had enough to not act wrong at times, decrepitude did not seem to be his case.
Forgiving them was making two random problems exist
1) They were considering it to be a sign of backing off and they were thrusting more unnecessary pressure into forms and shapes that did not exist.
2) They were not understanding that we were not averse or their enemies.
They were treating her as such and was trying to prove the world that Shrum was guilty and hence they were harassing her.
Shrum was bearing the load of their tiny, single handed understanding, tunnelled vision and the enclosed eyes of a horse. Just like a horse would get nervous if you keep him open and would waft off or run lesser to the target and only when you tie its eyes will it run faster. It seemed to Shrum they were some such creatures.
We had to just keep the horses under our control and we had to fly away from scorpions not taking their sting.
It was hard to act. Wait and watch, flee when required, not telling truth in entirety was what was working for then.
Understanding is the art of intelligence.
When she met this doctor she was happy.
Finally we had managed to not bear their tooth for tooth pains.
Even now, two years later she acts like a doe if we name him.
But, then she found her happiness and is trying to find her happiness doing things which do not create such lacunae in a human soul. She is merely happy finding him. As simple as that, simplistic and overtly, puckishly simple, unbelievably simple.
Her world has ended with him within and yet her happiness hasn’t. She prays for his happiness. I can’t take it sometimes, yet I know her since she was a kid almost to know it’s true, she misses him, prays for the world to keep him happy and well fed, well looked after every single day.
She meditated daily, every single day.
Her lacunae gets filled with love from somewhere. But we three friends had our own pits and the lacunae was not filling.
When I asked her to write so much about her, initially she was not willing to do so.
Note- But, then I forced her and Lizzy forced her too to just put the content on the blog and so she does it for us, often typing without reading, justice to the story we began is required.